Sleuth Sleuth
Sep
02
2005

Let the Slump Begin! Horrid Film Fans, Commence Wetting Yourselves.

Posted by dave at 5:15pm.

Posted in Box Office News, USA & Canada.

Commentary for a Lonely Friday:
Well, it’s that time of year again. This weekend and next are the worst weekends to make an appearance at the silver screen: Both for films and, more often than not, for ticket holders as well as studios quietly dump their scraps out of storage to make room for more caged monkeys that come up with future story lines.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Do people not go these weekends because the films suck? Or do the films suck, so the people don’t go?
Let’s not forget that 2 years ago this weekend, ‘Dickie Roberts’ entered the scene and took the number one spot - with a 6.6 million dollar take.  6.6??George Lucas makes more than that when he farts. And so far, the North American Box Office is in for it again. Leading the pack is “The Sound of Thunder” with our favourite “what the hell are you doing?” star, Ben Kingsley. CNN has posted a roastful review that is surprisingly jovial in its writing. They report that this flick has been sitting on the Warner shelves for 2 years waiting for the worst possible moment to release it on otherwise stupid film goers. And the Time is Nigh. I mean look at that thing, what is it? A lizard with a Gorilla head? It’s not supposed to be scary is it? It looks like a turd with a splash of colour.

Todd has made the occasional point that Ben Kingsley has made some pretty rough choices in the past while and this is looking to be his Don of all choices. I gather the entire cast was hoping this would never see the light of day, even if it is tucked into the dark corner of Labour Day Weekend.

The other headliners this weekend that you’ve never heard of are “Underclassmen” and “The Baxter”. I haven’t and won’t be seeing them, so hey, they might be good, but they may be getting their release this weekend for a reason. G’head and se e’em if you’re lonely.

Your choices lie with Constant Gardner or Transporter 2. Feel free to start a cult following with everything else.

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Reader Comments

  1. Chris 09/02/2005 @ 6:17pm

    I don’t know, The Baxter looks like an entertaining indie film with a great cast. I haven’t read anything about it, and I doubt I’ll drive downtown to see it like I did with Cronicas last week, but I’ll probably check it out on DVD.

  2. Tyler Foster 09/02/2005 @ 6:54pm

    The Baxter was good. I attended a screening with Michael Showalter in attendance, who was kind and happy to hear we all liked it. Worth checking out if it plays near you.

  3. Flynn 09/02/2005 @ 7:53pm

    The Baxter isn’t going to break any box office records, but I’ll see pretty much anything the Stella guys are involved with.

  4. Kurt 09/02/2005 @ 10:53pm

    “Todd has made the occasional point that Ben Kingsley has made some pretty rough choices in the past while and this is looking to be his Don of all choices.”

    One Word (or is it 2?): BloodRayne!

  5. dave/web-monkey 09/03/2005 @ 1:16am

    The last time I got “Ben Kingsley Bummer” curious, it was for “Suspect Zero”.. and DAMMIT… no wonder they said that movie sucked.

  6. Grady Hendrix 09/03/2005 @ 6:16am

    I’ve seen a few of the movies coming out this weekend, and here’s my thoughts:

    A SOUND OF THUNDER - not even good bad. If I could go back in time and step on the butterfly that pollinated the fruit that fed the primates that evolved into the cro magnons that produced the homo sapiens who became the ancestors of the producers, I would do it with joy just to have my 103 minutes back.

    Most jaw-dropping moment: Ed Burns and hottie actress lady face walking down a street that’s projected behind them on a green screen. Watching them rock from side to side, lifting their feet and putting them down in the same place while the background moved and they didn’t was like watching hobos amble down the railroad tracks in some godawful community theater.

    TRANSPORTER 2 - not even fun trash. The one good scene (the ONE good scene) is the one with the firehose that’s been online for ages already. Favorite moment? The fake computer generated jet at the end of the movie. The computer that generated it must have been angry about its salary because the jet not only looks like a plastic toy but it jerks around like it’s on a string.

    THE BAXTER - this is actually good. It is a romantic comedy and follows all the rules and conventions of one, and it’s not laugh-out-loud funny. But it is a fairytale world constructed on a budget, and when the laughs do come they’re surprising and genuinely funny. Don’t expect to roll on the floor, but it’s a charming, understated romance that’s as stylized as something by Woody Allen. Also, stick around through the credits for a sad/funny extra ending.

  7. crazybee 09/03/2005 @ 10:07am

    In its defense, I loved Transporter 2.
    -----

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